”I can't quite believe who I am now, but it feels right. I think my relationship with booze came to an end when I fell in love with building my brand, it meant booze had no place in my life anymore” - me, 2020

It's been 6 months since I drank my last can of lager, after years of abusing my body and my mental health, I am now a sober happy artist.
The meaning of sober is ‘serious, sensible, solemn or muted in colour’ but that does not reflect the realities of living a sober life or how I see myself (apart from my hair, I proudly have grey hair!)
                             Being Sober - The Upside
* I am finally who I’m meant to be.
* My anxiety has gone down loads.
* I don't get hangovers.
* I don't put myself down.
* My creativity has increased more than I could have imagined.
* I have lost weight.
* I feel I can achieve anything (I never thought I would be able to quit booze, ever!!)
* I don't sleep with men because I am sad and drunk and want to be loved (that happened more in the past, I broke the cycle by being celibate for almost 4 years - drank the whole time)
* I like being at home.
* I remember nights out.
* I can honestly say I have no desire to drink again.
* I am so much more confident.
* Life is GOOD without booze
So why did I stop?
I had been thinking about it for about 3 years but I always struggled. I would set myself the goal of ‘I won't drink today’ but by 3/4 pm I wanted to drink, so I did, and my will power went out the window, then I would feel bad with myself as I was weak and could not stop. The whole process left me feeling powerless and beholden to a can of fucking lager.
Being Sober - The Downside 
* People automatically assume you're an alcoholic when you say you don't drink.
* Life is shit sometimes and it will come at you from all angles, regardless of whether you drink or not.
* There are not many places to be social and sober.
* Some people are uncomfortable around sober people.
* Boring non-alcoholic drinks in pubs - I still want to socialise! Yes drunk people can get repetitive,but when that starts happening I go home, until then give me something exciting to drink!
* I am dealing with a lot of shame from my past and am remembering things I have done or things,that have happened to me, it's ok, it's part of the process but sometimes it sucks (that's ok too).
My drinking life
* I didn't really get into drinking (only lager, never wine - wine made me bonkers!) until I moved to Brighton in 1994, I worked in pubs as I could fit it around my son and work weekends when he was at his Dads.
* The pub culture can be a wild one - lots of drinking and drugs especially when you work behind the bar.
* My relationships with men were mostly meeting in the pub or maybe they worked in a pub so booze always featured heavily.
* All my relationships with men at that time involved violence at some point and alcohol was always present.
* I was not always a good parent and struggled with bringing up a child on my own, I was lonely and drank.
*I was in a cycle that made me miserable inside but I carried on regardless
What changed?
I was bored of it and it's a waste of money and I needed to break this addiction, after all, it's a drug and  it had me in its grips and made me feel shit.
I had managed 30 days a few times but once the 30 days was up the 1st thing I would do was get a pint and all my good intentions had gone. I chose not to go to AA as I felt it was not for me, but I totally respect that's this works for others and truthfully, if you find a way that suits you go for it - the main objective is to quit alcohol and gain control over your life again.
I feel it's important to talk openly about being sober because I know I am not alone. Not everyone is enjoying drinking but they dont always see a way out of it, it's a habit that's hard to break, especially as society encourages drinking, it feels like there is no getting away from it.

The choice to be a sober artist for the rest of my life is mine, this is my journey, it's exciting and scary and being sober in a world geared towards drinking is challenging but I like a challenge and I have always been different. So as people make comments of how drunk they got, how many shots they did and how bad their hangovers are, I will share the stories of my sober exploits, seems only fair.
Are you thinking of giving up drinking? I can recommend these books:

● The 30-day Experiment by Annie Grace - I was already 10 days into my sober journey when I read it but it was like a light going on in my head.
● The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray - after reading this I knew I was never going to drink again.
● The Naked Mind by Annie Grace - I can't unlearn what I read and it's just amazing that a book can transform your life in such a profound way.


  • Honestly you’re story is so inspiring – you should be very proud xx

    Laura Tulloch
  • Amanda, everyday you inspire me. You are amazing. x x


Leave a comment