Me & PamD - Living with PMDD

 

 

Wednesday 

Woke up this morning with random thoughts aplenty, meditated, and checked my tracker, PMDD aka PamD is on her way! 

"PamD is a shadow that creeps her way into my thoughts and emotions and does not give me peace…I knew she was coming, I can feel her, masking all emotions with questions & judgement, even the good ones! As the hours go by, the discomfort spreads and starts to take over me, turning my light into dark…I cry as I know what’s ahead and know it will pass."

 

The “Gates of Hell Open” and she pushes me in…..there is always some resistance, I also know that fighting against her won’t work…
Compromise & Cake!

 

No Kundalini Yoga this morning, so off to the beach for sea medicine, whatever the weather, however dark the mood, the sea always has a way to calm my mind & soothe my soul.
All my senses are engaged its early in the morning no one is here, blessed to have this 5 mins from my door. 

 

 

 

"The tide is out, so much sand I walk barefoot grounding myself, breathing and connecting with the breath of the sea. My mind calms the thoughts quieten, I stand for a while wiggling my toes into the sand, feel connected to myself again, and to the present moment" 

 

PMDD is NOT a Hormone Imbalance it is a SEVERE Negative reaction in the brain to the natural rise and fall of ESTROGEN & PROGESTERONE. Symptoms arising during the PRE MENSTRUAL or LUTEAL phase of the menstrual cycle ( up to 2 1/2 weeks)

 

 

Since getting my diagnosis for PMDD in early 2019 at age 48, (I have had it since I was 14) and then getting sober in September 2019, my life changed forever,  I was now dealing with ALL emotions!  I knew it was important, to find a way we could live together as harmoniously as possible. So she became PamD.
   
During the pandemic/lockdown March 2020 and me & PamD lived alone together for the 1st time, I was glad to be sober & in a supportive creative community. This is when we started having conversations , this is when I got to know her & my PMDD. 
 
She is loud & obnoxious , drives me crazy,turns my world upside down, and I know she is with me until I go through the menopause,and to be honest having a relationship  with her does make life a lot easier to navigate .
 

As today is Wednesday  it's admin day, running the business means I can manage myself around my PMDD.
I have my Nest Bed this is my safe space to be, I take all my work there, I get cosy, find something to binge watch so I don’t get lost in my thoughts.
It's my safe space when I feel restless and don’t know where to put myself. I know my nest bed is there, I have a pre-prepared, tidy room, clean bedding, washing done.  
 

 

Having boundaries, making choices that won’t make things worse, putting myself in situations that could give PamD an excuse to knock me off balance. I do what I can, & always get stuff done, it may take me longer. Some days I find doing lives on my social media impossible, I  struggle to be sociable.  I have stopped forcing myself I just listen to my body & my intuition. I have accepted this is who I am for up to 2 1/2 weeks of my cycle.


 

 Resilience is key to keeping it together, since the lockdown my resilience tool kit has grown, creativity, meditation & journaling, and daily gratitude are all daily practices and will be for the rest of my life.
Add kundalini yoga, the beach, real friendships, cake & spicy tea,this allows me to move with as much grace & ease as possible. 
I decided why fight against her, it just makes things so much harder, living with her can be very amusing at times,getting to know her has allowed me to let go of the stuff that serves me no purpose.  

Things are changing for me, I am 51, perimenopausal and I track my cycle and have noticed the change, It means less control as my cycle changes. Sadly there is little to no research on what happens to a woman with PMDD, even my Doctor admitted a few weeks ago it's a bit of trial & error to see what works.

I do know one thing, when I have gone through Menopause, I will never have PMDD again!

 

This is why I signed up to be a champion for PMD Awareness Month

I had followed the community, just knowing it was there, reading posts, and felt connected to others.

Being part of PMD Awareness Month has given me so much, learning new things about PMDD, and meeting like-minded others who get what you go through is such a relief, as I know I am not alone. 

You can check out the other prompts on instagram or facebook 

There is no cure, no one size fits all to what will work, I have tried SSRI & for me, they did not work out, I am waiting for an appointment with a gynaecologist who specialises in perimenopausal women. I just know I want my life to work with me not against me and running my brand Creatively Curious, gives me the flexibility I desire  allowing  me to work with PamD, and that I am truly grateful for.  
"I have my creativity, being a Sober Artist gives my life meaning and depth, the art I produce comes from within and is the most beautiful honest work I have ever made and excited to take Me & PamD on the journey together." 
I will always champion PMDD & be a voice, an ear to listen,without honest conversations women suffer, that is wrong. 
 
Top-Tip - Don't drink, be with your emotions and feelings, living with PMDD is easier when sober than pissed!
Find healthy tools and activities to deal with the shit life throws at you as it does.
MEDITATION is a gamechanger!
 
I know my drinking during PMDD was dangerous, with no personal boundaries, and allowing myself to be treated badly and had no love or respect for myself. There is research linking trauma to PMDD and it would make sense, I just hid behind booze not understanding what was going on with me for years!
Now I get to make choices from a place of LOVE, and I do the work to deal with the stuff, this has to be done so I can live life on my terms. It’s not easy and bloody uncomfortable at times. 

 

And its worth it as the life I have now is priceless…

 

Grateful for the life I have created and I know my role is to navigate my life with grace & ease and continue living my dream life as the one & only.... 
Amanda Sober Artist & Creative Guide
Here to inspire you to "Step in the Creative Portal of Infinite Possibilities"  also known as the Creative Resilience Circle.
If anything has comes up for you and you want to find out more about PMDD the please head to  The International Association For Premenstrual Disorders (IAPMD) the amazing woman that run it are true earth angels.
 

 

 

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